2012.05.03 Thu  16:36

packers ; This was a massive undertaking, and it would have been an impossible one without the help of my Dream Team of research helpers . packers ; My usual suspects : Betty Martin, Lisa Schiermeier, Nick Giaccone, Frank Moran, David Toub, Jennifer Sternick, Jennifer Sobel, Claire Demarais, JoAnn Mapson, Jane Picoult . packers ; Two ladies with Scott Stevens Jersey the grace to help rape victims find a fragile peace : Laurie Carrier and Annelle Edwards . packers ; Three terrific young women who let me peek into the life of a teenager : Meredith Olsen, Elise Baxter, and Andrea Desaulniers . packers ; The entire team at Atria Books and Goldberg McDuffie Communications, especially Judith Curr, Karen Mender, Jodi Lipper, Sarah Branham, Jeanne Lee, Angela Stamnes, Justin Loeber, and packers ; Camille McDuffie . packers ; Laura Gross, who goes above and beyond the call of agent duty on a daily basis . packers ; Emily Bestler, who said all the wonderful, right things I needed to hear when I gave her a book that was like nothing she packersrsquo ; d ever seen before . packers ; Joanne Morrissey, who gave me a refresher course on Dante and whom I packersrsquo ; d most like to be stranded with in hell . packers ; My own personal comic book superheroes : Jim Lee, Wyatt Fox, and Jake van Leer . packers ; Pam Force, for the opening poem . packers ; My Alaskan hosts : Annette Rearden, and Rich and Jen Gannon . packers ; Don Rearden, who is not only an excellent writer (one who probably regrets ever saying, packersldquo ; Hey, if you ever want to go to the Alaskan bush . . . packersrdquo ;) but also generous to a fault with his own knowledge and experience . And who guided me into the bush and, months later, to my last page . packers ; Dustin Weaver, the comic book penciler who said he thought this might be fun . Quite simply : You drew the soul of this book . packers ; And finally, thanks to Tim, Kyle, Jake, and Sammy, who give me my happy endings . packers ; In the very earliest time, when both people and animals lived on earth, Scott Stevens Jersey a person could become an animal if he wanted to and an animal could become a human being . Sometimes they were people and sometimes animals and there was no difference . packers ; All spoke the same language . That was the time when words were like magic . The human mind had mysterious powers . A word spoken by chance might have strange consequences . It would suddenly come alive and what people wanted to happen could happen . . . all you had to do was say it . Nobody could explain this : That packersrsquo ; s the way it was . packers ; packersldquo ; Magic Words, packersrdquo ; by Edward Field packers ; Inspired by the Inuit Prologue packers ; December 2 3, 2 0 0 5 packers ; This is how it feels when you realize your child is missing : packers ; The pit of your stomach freezes fast, while your legs go to jelly . packers ; There packersrsquo ; s one single, blue - bass thud of your heart . The shape of her name, sharp as metal filings, gets caught between Jamie Langenbrunner Jersey your teeth even as you try to force it out in a shout . Fear breathes like a monster into your ear : Where did I see her last ? Would she have wandered away ? Who could have taken her ? And then, finally, your throat seals shut, as you swallow the fact that you packersrsquo ; ve made a mistake you will never be able to fix . packers ; The first time it happened to Daniel Stone, a decade ago, he had been visiting Boston . His wife was at a colloquium at Harvard ; that was a good enough reason to take a family vacation . While Laura sat on her panel Devils Practice Jersey , Daniel pushed Trixie packersrsquo ; s stroller the cobbled length of the Freedom Trail . They fed the ducks in the Public Garden ; they watched the sloe - eyed sea turtles doing water ballet at the aquarium . After that, when Trixie announced that she was hungry, Daniel headed toward Faneuil Hall and its endless food court . packers ; That particular April day was the first one warm enough for New Englanders to unzip their jackets, to remember that there was any season other than winter . In addition to the centipedes of school groups and the shutter - happy tourists, it seemed that the whole of the financial district had bled out, men Daniel packersrsquo ; s age in suits and ties, who smelled of aftershave and envy . They sat with their gyros and chowder and corned beef on rye on the benches near the statue of Red Auerbach . They sneaked sideways glances at Daniel . packers ; He was used to this - it was unusual for a father to be the primary caretaker of his four - year - old daughter . Women who saw him with Trixie assumed that his wife had died, or that he was newly divorced . Men who saw him quickly looked the other way, embarrassed on his behalf . And yet Daniel would not have traded his setup for the world . He enjoyed molding his job around Trixie packersrsquo ; s schedule . He liked her questions : Did dogs know they were naked ? Is adult supervision a power grown - ups use to fight bad guys ? He loved the fact that when Trixie was spacing out in her car seat and wanted attention, she always started with packersldquo ; Dad . . . ?
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2011.11.18 Fri  11:19

I DIDN’T KNOW the woman’s name. Clutching my bunch of flowers, I hesitated in front of the door and all the bells. I would rather have turned around and left, but then a man came out of the building, asked who I was looking for, and directed me to Frau Schmitz on the third floor.
No decorative plaster, no mirrors, no runner. Whatever unpretentious beauty the stairwell might once have had, it could never have been comparable to the grandeur of the fa?ade, and it was long gone in any case. The red paint on the stairs had worn through in the middle, the stamped green linoleum that was glued on the walls to shoulder height was rubbed away to nothing, and bits of string had been stretched across the gaps in the banisters. It smelled of cleaning fluid. Perhaps I only became aware of Heath Miller Jersey all this some time later. It was always just as shabby and just as clean, and there was always the same smell of clea Mike Wallace Jersey ning fluid, sometimes mixed with the smell of cabbage or beans, or fried food or boiling laundry.
I never learned a thing about the other people who lived in the building apart from these smells, the mats outside the apartment doors, and the nameplates under the doorbells. I cannot even remember meeting another tenant on the stairs.
Nor do I remember how I greeted Frau Schmitz. I had pr Ben Roethlisberger Jersey obably prepared two or three sentences about my illness and her help and how grateful I was, and recited them to her. She led me into the kitchen.
It was the largest room in the apartment, and contained a stove and sink, a tub and a boiler, a table, two chairs, a kitchen cabinet, a wardrobe, and a couch with a red velvet spread thrown over it. There was no window. Light came in through the panes of the door leading out onto the balcony—not much light; the kitchen was only bright when the door was open. Then you heard the scream of the saws from the carpenter’s shop in the yard and smelled the smell of wood.
The apartment also had a small, cramped living room with a dresser, a table, four chairs, a wing chair, and a coal stove. It was almost never heated in winter, nor was it used much in summer either. The window faced Bahnhofstrasse, with a view of what had been the railroad station, but was now being excavated and already in places held the freshly laid foundations of the new courthouse and administration buildings. Finally, the apartment also had a windowless toilet. When the toilet smelled, so did the hall.
I don’ Steelers Customized Jersey t remember what we talked about in the kitchen. Frau Schmitz was ironing; she had spread a woolen blanket and a linen cloth over the table; lifting one piece of laundry after another from the basket, she ironed them, folded them, and laid them on one of the two chairs. I sat on the other. She also ironed her underwear, and I didn’t want to look, but I couldn’t help looking. She was wearing a sleeveless smock, blue with little pale red flowers on it. Her shoulder-length, ash-blond hair was fastened with a clip at the back of her neck. Her bare arms were pale. Her gestures of lifting the iron, using it, setting it down again, and then folding and putting away the laundry were an exercise in slow concentration, as were her movements as she bent over and then straightened up again. Her face as it was then has been overlaid in my memory by the faces she had later. If I see her in my mind’s eye as Franco Harris Jersey she was then, she doesn’t have a face at all, and I have to reconstruct it. High forehead, high cheekbones, pale blue eyes, full lips that formed a perfect curve without any indentation, square chin. A broad-planed, strong, womanly face. I know that I found it beautiful. But I cannot recapture its beauty.

2011.11.18 Fri  11:18

T at home. The front door of the building stood ajar, so I went up the stairs, rang the bell, and waited. Then I rang again. Inside the apartment the doors were open, as I could see through the glass of the front door, and I could also make out the mirror, the wardrobe, and the clock in the hall. I could hear it ticking.
I sat down on the stairs and waited. I wasn’t relieved, the way you can sometimes be when you feel funny about a certain decision and afraid of the consequences and then relieved that you& Clay Matthews Jersey rsquo;ve managed to carry out the former without incurring the latter. Nor was I disappointed. I was determined to see her and to wait until she came.
The clock in the hall struck the quarter hour, then the half hour, then the hour. I tried to follow its soft ticking and to count the nine hundred seconds between one stroke and the next, but I kept losing track. The yard buzzed with the sound of the carpenter’s saws, the building echoed with voices or music from one of the apartments, and a door opened and closed. Then I heard slow, heavy, regular footsteps coming up the stairs. I hoped that whoever he was, he lived on the second floor. If he saw me—how would I explain what I was doing there? But the footsteps didn’t stop at the second floor. They kept coming. I stood up.
It was Frau Schmitz. In one hand she was carrying a coal scuttle, in the other a box of briquets. She was wearing a uniform jacket and skirt, and I realized that she was a streetcar conductor. She didn’t notice me until she reached the landing—she didn’t look annoyed, or surprised, or mocking—none of the things I had feared. She looked tired. When she put down the coke and was hunting in her jacket pocket for the key, coins fell out onto the floor. I picked them up and gave them to her.
“There are two more scuttles down in the cellar. Will you fill them and bring them up? T Tramon Williams Jersey he door’s open.”
I ran down the stairs. The door to the cellar was open, the light was on, and at the bottom of the long cellar stairs I found a bunker made of boards with the door on the latch and a loose padlock hanging from the open bolt. It was a large space, and the coke was piled all the way up to the ceiling hatch through which it had been poured from the street into the cellar. On one side of the door was a neat stack of briquets; on the other side were the coal scuttles.
I don’t know what I did wrong. At home I also fetched the coke from the cellar and never had any p B.J. Raji Jersey roblems. But then the coke at home wasn’t piled so high. Filling the first scuttle went fine. As I picked up the second scuttle by the handles and tried to shovel the coke up off the floor, the mountain began to move. From the top little pieces started bouncing down while the larger ones followed more sedately; further down it all began to slide and there was a general rolling and shifting on the floor. Black dust rose in clouds. I stood there, frightened, as the lumps came down and hit me and soon I was up to my ankles in coke.
I got my feet out of the coke, filled the second scuttle, looked for a broom, and when I found it I swept the lumps that had rolled out into the main part of the cellar back into the bunker, latched the door, and carried the two scuttles upstairs.
She had taken off her jacket, loosened her tie and undone the top button, and was sitting at the kitchen table with a glass of milk. She saw me, began to choke with laughter, and then let it out in full-throated peals. She pointed at me and slapped her other hand on the table. “Look at you, kid, just look at you!” Then I caught sight of my black face in the mirror over the sink, and laughed too.
“You can’t go home l Bart Starr Jersey ike that. I’ll run you a bath and beat the dust out of your clothes.” She went to the tub and turned on the faucet. The water ran steaming into the tub. “Take your clothes off carefully, I don’t need black dust al A.J. Hawk Jersey l over the kitchen.”

2011.11.03 Thu  12:52

could smell safety and danger, they found a way through the Indian lines, and entered the city under cover of night. While they moved stealthily through streets in which nobody except a few starving beggars could be seen, the Tiger was swearing to fight to the last man; but the next day, he surrendered instead. What is not known: whether the last man was grateful to be spared or peeved at missing his chance of entering the camphor garden.
And so I returned to that city in which, in those last hours before reunions, Shaheed and I saw many things which Authentic Lynn Swann Jersey were not true, which were not possible, because our boys would not could not have behaved so badly; we saw men in spectacles with heads like eggs being shot in side-streets, we saw the intelligentsia of the city being massacred by the hundred, but it was not true because it could not have been true, the Tiger was a decent chap, after all, and our jawans were worth ten babus, we moved through the impossible hallucination of the night, hiding in doorways while fires blossomed like flowers, reminding me of the way the Brass Monkey used to set fire to shoes to attract a little attention, there were slit throats being buried in unmarked graves, and Shaheed began his, 'No, buddha - what a thing, Allah, you can't believe your eyes - no, not true, how can it - buddha, tell, what's got into my eyes?' And at last the buddha spoke, knowing Shaheed could not hear: 'O, Shaheeda,' he said, revealing the depths of his fastidiousness, 'a person must sometimes choose what he will see and what he will not; look away, look away from there now.' But Shaheed was staring at a maidan in which lady doctors were being bayoneted before they were raped, and raped again before they were shot. Above them and behind them, the cool white minaret of a mosque stared blindly down upon the scene.
As though talking to himself, the buddha said, 'It is time to think about saving our skins; God knows why we came back.' The buddha entered the doorway of a deserted house, a broken, peeling shell of an edifice which had once housed a tea-shop, a bicycle-repair shop, a whorehouse and a tiny landing on which a notary public must once have sat, because there was the low desk on which he had left behind a pair of half-rimmed spectacles, there were the abandoned seals and stamps which had once enabled him to be more than an old nobody - stamps and seals which had made him an arbiter of what was true and what was not. The notary public was absent, so I could not ask him to verify what was happening, I could not give a deposition under oath; but lying on the mat behind his desk was a loose flowing garment like a djellabah, and without waiting any longer I removed my uniform, including the she-dog badge of the CUTIA units, and became anonymous, a deserter, in a city whose language I could not speak.
Shaheed Dar, however, remained in the street; in the first light of morning Authentic Rod Woodson Jersey he watched soldiers scurrying away from what-had-not-been-done; and then the grenade came. I, the buddha, was still inside the empty house; but Shaheed was unprotected by walls.
Who can say why how who; but the grenade was certainly thrown. In that last instant of his un-bisected life, Shaheed w Authentic Super Bowl Champion Jersey as suddenly seized by an irresistible urge to look up ... afterwards, in the muezzin's roost, he told the buddha, 'So strange, Allah - the pomegranate - in my head, just like that, bigger an'
brighter than ever before - you know, buddha, like a light-bulb - Allah, what could I do, I looked!' - And yes, it was there, hanging above his head, the grenade of his dreams, hanging just above his head, falling falling, exploding at waist-level, blowing his legs away to some other part of the city.
When I reached Authentic Terry Bradshaw Jersey him, Shaheed was conscious, despit Authentic Willie Parker Jersey e bisection, and pointed up, 'Take me up there, buddha, I want to I want,' so I carried what was now only half a boy (and therefore reasonably light) up narrow spiral stairs to the heights of that cool white minaret, where Shaheed babbled of light-bulbs while red ants and black ants fought over a dead cockroach, battling away along the trowel-furrows in the crudely-laid concrete floor. Down below, amid charred houses, broken glass and smoke-haze, antlike people were emerging, preparing for peace; the ants, however, ignored the antlike, and fought on. And the buddha: he stood still, gazing milkily down and around, . having placed himself between the top half of Shaheed and eyrie's one piece of furniture, a low table on which stood a gramophone connected to a loudspeaker. The buddha, protecting his halved companion from the disillusioning sight of this mechanized muezzin, whose call to prayer would always be scratched in the same places, extracted from the folds of his shapeless robe a glinting object: and turned his milky gaze upon the silver spittoon. Lost in contemplation, he was taken by surprise when the screams began; and looked up to see an abandoned cockroach. (Blood had been seeping along trowel-furrows; ants, following this dark viscous trail, had arrived at the source of the leakage, and Shaheed expressed his fury at becoming the victim of not one, but two wars.)

2011.10.29 Sat  12:54

except for a subtle hemorrhage in the facial area that could have been caused by the fall . But he was lying on that side of his face when found, and the pooling of the blood might have obscured the contusions . When he was brought to the morgue and placed sunny - side up, the blood redistributed . packersrdquo ; She removed the X - ray they packersrsquo ; d been examining . packersldquo ; When I was doing an FP fellowship, we had a Jane Doe come in with no apparent external trauma, except for a Santonio Holmes Jersey slight hemorrhage in the strap muscles of the neck . By the time the autopsy was over, there were two obvious handprints on her throat . packersrdquo ; packersldquo ; Couldn packersrsquo ; t he have banged himself up when he fell ? packersrdquo ; packersldquo ; I thought you packersrsquo ; d say that . Take a look at this . packersrdquo ; Anjali slid another X - ray onto the light box . Bartholemew whistled softly . packersldquo ; That packersrsquo ; s his face, huh ? packersrdquo ; packersldquo ; It was . packersrdquo ; He pointed to a crack along the temple of the skull . packersldquo ; That looks like a fracture . packersrdquo ; packersldquo ; That packersrsquo ; s where he landed, packersrdquo ; Anjali said . packersldquo ; But look closer . packersrdquo ; Bartholemew squinted . On the cheekbone and the jaw were smaller, fainter fault lines . packersldquo ; In the case of a blow and a subsequent fall, the fracture lines caused by the fall are blocked by those caused by the initial blow . An injury to the head caused by a fall is usually found around the level of the brim of a hat . However, a hard punch to the face usually hits below that . packersrdquo ; The fracture Ryan Clark Jersey at Underhills temple radiated out toward the eye socket and the cheekbone but stopped abruptly at one of these hairline cracks . packersldquo ; The subject also had extravasation of red blood cells on tissues Rashard Mendenhall Jersey around his jaw and ribs . packersrdquo ; packersldquo ; Which means what ? packersrdquo ; packersldquo ; It packersrsquo ; s a bruise that didn packersrsquo ; t get to happen . Meaning there was trauma to that tissue, but before that blood could break down and go black and blue, the subject died . packersrdquo ; packersldquo ; So maybe he was in a fight before he decided to jump, packersrdquo ; Bartholemew said, his mind running fast with possibilities . packersldquo ; You might also be interested in this . packersrdquo ; Anjali passed him a microscopic slide with tiny filings on it . packersldquo ; We dug them out of the subject packersrsquo ; s fingertips . packersrdquo ; packersldquo ; What are they ? packersrdquo ; packersldquo ; Splinters consistent with the railing of the bridge . There were some wood slivers caught in the tails of his jacket, too . packersrdquo ; Anjali glanced at Bartholemew . packersldquo ; I don packersrsquo ; t think this kid killed himself by jumping off a bridge, packersrdquo ; she said . packersldquo ; I think he was pushed . packersrdquo ; When Daniel heard sobbing, he immediately assumed it was Trixie . In the days since they packersrsquo ; d heard the news about Jason, she would dissolve without any provocationat the dinner table, while brushing her teeth, staring at a commercial on television . She was so firmly entrenched in Mel Blount Jersey memory that Daniel didn packersrsquo ; t know how to pry her loose and bring her back to the real world . Sometimes he held her . Sometimes he just sat down next to her . He never tried to stop her tears ; he didn packersrsquo ; t think he had that right . He just wanted her to know that he was there if she needed him . This time, when the crying began, Daniel followed the sound upstairs . But instead of finding Trixie sobbing, he turned into his own bedroom to find his wife sitting on the floor, hugging a knot of clean laundry against her . packersldquo ; Laura ? packersrdquo ; She turned at the sound of her name, wiping her cheeks . packersldquo ; I packersrsquo ; m sorry . Chris Kemoeatu Jersey . . it packersrsquo ; s wrong, I know . . . but I keep thinking about him . packersrdquo ; Him . Daniel packersrsquo ; s heart turned over . How long would it be until he could hear a sentence like that and not feel as if he packersrsquo ; d been punched ? packersldquo ; It packersrsquo ; s just . . . packersrdquo ; She wiped her eyes . packersldquo ; It packersrsquo ; s just that he was someone packersrsquo ; s child, too . packersrdquo ; Jason . The immediate relief Daniel felt to know that Laura wasn packersrsquo ; t crying over the nameless man she packersrsquo ; d slept with evaporated as he realized that she was crying, instead, for someone who didn packersrsquo ; t merit that kind of mercy . packersldquo ; I packersrsquo ; ve been so lucky, Daniel, packersrdquo ; Laura said . packersldquo ; What if Trixie had died last week ? What if . . . what if you packersrsquo ; d told me to move out ? packersrdquo ; Daniel reached out to tuck Laura packersrsquo ; s hair behind her ear . Maybe you had to come close to losing something before you could remember its value . Maybe it would be like that for the two of them . packersldquo ; I would never have let you go . packersrdquo ; Laura shuddered, as if his words had sent a shock through her . packersldquo ; Daniel, I . . . packersrdquo ; packersldquo ; You don packersrsquo ; t need to cry for us, packersrdquo ; he said, squeezing her shoulder, packersldquo ; because we packersrsquo ; re all going to be fine . packersrdquo ; He felt Laura nod against him .

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